Euthanasing the Lawn

If the United Nations cared about the rights of the humble lawn, I would be a fugitive from justice.People passing Snuva HQ probably think we take water restrictions very seriously as we are civic minded and do not wish to negatively impact the water pressure should it be needed to fight bushfires. Well, that may be – as well as the female slave being a bit of a water tight-arse having spent part of her youth in California. But really, our lawn is brown because: why NOT?I don’t really see the point of lawns. Sure, it might be nice to have a green spot to chew my bone, but any place will do really (and I actually prefer to chew my bones on the nice soft rug in the living room). However if you look at it from a cost benefit / return on investment point of view, well, you wind up with a lawn like ours. Our scary neighbours have lawns they are proud of; they are also loathsome, anti-social, grumpy creatures that are mentally unstable enough to think that mowing the lawn 3 times a week (at illegal hours), trimming the edges on your knees with scissors, and wantonly watering every day while the sun is evaporating the moisture away are all fine things to do.

I do make my female slave spend some (SOME) time on the borders. After a few years of a little time taken between caching and seeing to my other needs, they pretty much take care of themselves. They flower away with only occasional watering and weeding.

So last week, half of the front lawn was attacked with a mattock and Round-Up. A new path between the driveway and the front steps will eventually be in its place, as well as an expanded garden bed full of cuttings of plants that do well and are low maintenance in the back garden. Knowing my slaves, and with my social commitments, it will no doubt take quite a while to shape up. We’re on week two of applying Round-Up and probably shouldn’t start adding any plants until the grass (which when we hadn’t decided to get rid of it refused to live – but now is springing to life) stops attempting to rear its boring head through the soil. But why rush things? The UN hasn’t passed any anti-lawn abuse resolutions, so I think we’re safe.



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